Here is something I have been wanting to blog about for awhile, sorry if it is kind of long. It's just annoying and I feel like I need to get it off my chest.
First, some back story. I have three cousins on my mom's side of the family. Her sister has one son and her brother has two daughters, I am not that close to any of them, but they are family so I have to see them from time to time. My uncle's oldest daughter, M, is getting married in June in Massachusetts. She got engaged when I was a senior in college and I actually haven't seen her since before that, but my mom has so she knows some details about the wedding. To say that my uncle's family is dysfunctional would be an understatement and my cousins have had to take care of themselves for a long time. M and her fiancee are doing everything on a very small budget with no parental help. While we have a small family her mother (my ex-aunt) has a very large family so M decided that she was only inviting cousin's significant others if they were married and not inviting any cousins under age 18. She is also having a cash bar...but let's not get started on that tidbit.
My sister and I were not upset at all that we couldn't bring our boyfriends and totally understood where she was coming from.
My mom's sister's son, T, was a different story.
T's life is basically one long summer vacation. He was raised by his mom, who divorced her bum husband when T was very young. He never has had any relationship or gotten any support from his father and his mom never remarried. Since it was just the two of them he has been very coddled. He has gone through a lot of jobs, became a pro golfer and tried to "make it" several times, had a bunch of girlfriends and dropped out of college at 18 to get married (that didn't end up happening, thank God.) He is now in his early 30s and still lives with his mom (and is supported by her.) I don't mean to bash him, this is just the way it is. At this point he is finally going to community college so maybe he will start acting like a grown up, but who knows.
When T found out that he couldn't bring his current girlfriend (who he has been dating since the summer) he got all mad about it. My sister has been with her boyfriend for two years and K and I have been together for five years and live together. Neither of us cared at all about not being able to bring our boyfriends but T called M and asked if he could bring this chick. As it was told to me she "hung up on him" which may mean she just ignored the question but still, I was happy she stuck with her guns.
Even though the girlfriend isn't coming the whole thing just pissed me off.
What is it about weddings (and other big events) that make family members who are: 1) not helping to pay and 2) not helping to plan, feel like they have some say over the bride and groom's decisions? And this situation was nothing compared some some stories I have heard from other people/families. I makes me seriously dread the drama whenever I end up getting married.
Did anything like this happen at your own wedding or weddings of friends and family members?
Showing posts with label weddings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weddings. Show all posts
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
On Vow Renewal
Note: I have never really explained why my blog is called "Curiosity." The simple answer...I am I curious person...I like to talk about different things and find out more about them. So there you go. This post is regarding a topic I am currently curious about.
I'm not married nor do I have any firsthand experience with family or friends renewing their wedding vows so most of my knowledge comes from what I have seen on TV or on the Internet. It seems like vow renewals are everywhere right now and to be honest, I have some issues with it. Prior to everyone and their monkey baby renewing their vows I was under the impression that it was something that your grandparents would do during their 50th anniversary party...not that you got to have a whole new wedding whenever the mood strikes. So I thought I would outline my issues and see what you all think.
1) The Time Frame
This is by far the biggest issue for me. Jon and Kate Gosselin renewed their vows after under 10 years of marriage (and we all know how that worked out...) which obviously was an excuse for TLC to throw a destination wedding and cross promote "Say Yes to the Dress." But 10 years to me, when thinking of marriage in terms of a lifetime, just isn't that long. Why not wait until you have been married 25 years or something...that is a little more significant. A girl in my sorority got married this summer in her parents backyard after a very brief engagement because her husband was getting deployed. I sent her my congratulations and she told me that they were going to have a reception and renew their vows when he got back in the spring. The reception I get...only family was at the wedding so they want a chance to celebrate with all of their friends, but why do you need to renew your vows after less then a year?
2) The Dress
Isn't your wedding dress is something special and a once in a lifetime type of thing? Just because you are renewing your vows years later and styles have changed you don't get a whole new dress. If you want to wear white that's fine but I just don't get why it has to be another expensive wedding gown. The Duggars are renewing their vows (it's on tonight actually) after 25 years. I'm cool with renewing after 25 years but they also went on "Say Yes to the Dress" and Michelle got this expensive customized gown (I know it was probably free for her but still.) After 18 kids and pregnant with number 19 is wearing a wedding gown really necessary? When you renew your vows you are not a bride again...you are a married woman. If you want to be a bride again...get divorced and remarried.
3) The Party
As I said, it's fine to renew your vows (after many years) at an anniversary party or even as it's own event. But people have entire weddings again...complete with bridesmaids, flower girls and the works. It's like the dress, just because styles have changed or you get some new ideas...you don't get another wedding. Plan a nice party instead.
Anyways, I don't want this to seem like I am anti-vow renewing. I just think that your wedding is such a special day planning another whole wedding takes away from the orginal. But maybe I am wrong? What do you think about renewing wedding vows?
I'm not married nor do I have any firsthand experience with family or friends renewing their wedding vows so most of my knowledge comes from what I have seen on TV or on the Internet. It seems like vow renewals are everywhere right now and to be honest, I have some issues with it. Prior to everyone and their monkey baby renewing their vows I was under the impression that it was something that your grandparents would do during their 50th anniversary party...not that you got to have a whole new wedding whenever the mood strikes. So I thought I would outline my issues and see what you all think.
1) The Time Frame
This is by far the biggest issue for me. Jon and Kate Gosselin renewed their vows after under 10 years of marriage (and we all know how that worked out...) which obviously was an excuse for TLC to throw a destination wedding and cross promote "Say Yes to the Dress." But 10 years to me, when thinking of marriage in terms of a lifetime, just isn't that long. Why not wait until you have been married 25 years or something...that is a little more significant. A girl in my sorority got married this summer in her parents backyard after a very brief engagement because her husband was getting deployed. I sent her my congratulations and she told me that they were going to have a reception and renew their vows when he got back in the spring. The reception I get...only family was at the wedding so they want a chance to celebrate with all of their friends, but why do you need to renew your vows after less then a year?2) The Dress
Isn't your wedding dress is something special and a once in a lifetime type of thing? Just because you are renewing your vows years later and styles have changed you don't get a whole new dress. If you want to wear white that's fine but I just don't get why it has to be another expensive wedding gown. The Duggars are renewing their vows (it's on tonight actually) after 25 years. I'm cool with renewing after 25 years but they also went on "Say Yes to the Dress" and Michelle got this expensive customized gown (I know it was probably free for her but still.) After 18 kids and pregnant with number 19 is wearing a wedding gown really necessary? When you renew your vows you are not a bride again...you are a married woman. If you want to be a bride again...get divorced and remarried.
3) The Party
As I said, it's fine to renew your vows (after many years) at an anniversary party or even as it's own event. But people have entire weddings again...complete with bridesmaids, flower girls and the works. It's like the dress, just because styles have changed or you get some new ideas...you don't get another wedding. Plan a nice party instead.
Anyways, I don't want this to seem like I am anti-vow renewing. I just think that your wedding is such a special day planning another whole wedding takes away from the orginal. But maybe I am wrong? What do you think about renewing wedding vows?
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