Best Friends

Since I am not supposed to be going on the Internet during the day (by the way I think the rule may be dying out already, yay!) I have been bringing in books to read when I have down time. My latest conquest was "Best Friends" by Martha Moody. To be honest I didn't expect much from the title and the description...sounded a little cheesy and pretentious, but it turned out to be a very interesting read. It's the story of two women from very different backgrounds who become roommates in college and where their lives end up going, which could be generic but it is written in an unusual and smart way. I was trying to think of a book to compare the writing style to...but I can't...it was unique. There are a few books left in the big stack I borrowed from my mom but then I will need new material...anyone have any recommendations?

I Wish I Could Go Back to College

Has anyone seen the musical "Avenue Q"? If you haven't I highly recommend it, it is seriously one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I love it so much I actually saw it twice, once on Broadway and once in D.C. (the National tour.) Anyway, I bring this up because there is one song in the show that totally sums up how I feel right now (see below.)




My girlfriends and I went back to our college for the weekend because the the last group of girls who we were close with in our sorority are graduating this semester. We had a great time but being there is bittersweet. I miss the laid back, lack of responsibilities, and getting to be with my friends all the time but I do not miss the DRAMA that comes with going to a small school. There is also no way I could stay up and party that much anymore!

This was probably the last time we will go back to visit and actually know people in school there that we can hang out with/stay with... and that makes me feel old. As if the inability to stay up didn't already make me feel old.

I had such a positive college experience; I loved my school, my sorority, made amazing friends and met K, but I was ready to move on after 4 years. And somethings about being a "grown up" are great (even if I complain.)

It's fun to look back and think about those days...and I so love that there is a song that describes my thoughts so perfectly.

UPDATED: Just a warning...there is some naughty language in the song so be careful playing it!

Fashion Friday---Business Casual

Ever since I started working at a company with a "business casual" dress code I have developed a new pet peeve...people who wear clothes to work that are so extremely far from business casual it is almost obscene. We are working at a conservative financial company and people really should make a little effort to fit the part. As much as I would love to wear whatever I want I think about where I work when I am shopping and getting dressed.

Our company's definition of business casual is pretty loose, the only things they are really stringent on for women are jeans and shoes that go between your toes (i.e. flip flops and their dressier friends.)

Just because the definition is loose however does not mean you should wear any of the following:
1) Crocs---I love crocs for around the house but not for work

2) Yoga Pants---they are not the same as dress pants folks, and wearing them with a button-down shirt doesn't change that.

3) Leggings under skirts or dresses---I have no problem with this outside of work but please not a work, tights are much more appropriate.

4) Super tight or low cut tops---you are at work...need I say more?

5) Sneakers---I understand some people have back problems or whatever but there are a lot of options out there that are comfortable and look much better with dress clothes. My mom goes to The Walking Company for her shoes and while they may not be the height of fashion they are waaay better then sneakers.

I buy the majority of my work wardrobe at The Limited, they have amazing sales and cupons and it's a great place to buy essentials as well as fun pieces to mix in. Limited also has awesome jewlrey that can jazz up an otherwise boring work ensemble.

Target and Old Navy are also great for work clothes. Sometimes when I am bored with my clothes I can go in there and pick up a few things for cheap.

Here are a couple of looks I created on Polyvore with clothes from Target and Old Navy, both of them would be cute for work in the Spring and include items that could be mixed and matched with other things.

For more Fashion Friday fun head over to Big Mama's blog! I am off to my alma mater for the weekend, hope you all have a happy Friday!

I am in love...

With my BlackBerry...I think I understand the crackberry thing now. I am still working on getting it organized and everything but it is so cool! I woke up in the middle of the night and just looked at it...like it is a new baby or something. I was so busy with it last night I barely paid attention to "Real Houswives." And for me...that is a big deal.

Look what I got!

I am so excited! I just bought a new BlackBerry Storm!!! It's so cool but also confusing...I have been trying to figure it out all night! Any tips?

50th Post

I'm back! Sorry for being so absent lately I am ready to explain some of my frustration...and when better to do that then during my 50th post! Hopefully this will also somewhat explain my work situation which I have been wanting to write about since I started this blog.

When I was in college I planned to work in television or radio after graduation and live in NYC (see this post) but after spending the summer there and doing an internship at a major children's television show, I changed my mind. But I wasn't sure what I changed my mind to. So when the time came to begin my job search I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted do...I went on a lot of random interviews. Looking back, I shouldn't have been so desperate, I could have easily taken a summer job and given myself more time to find a good career fit, but as June wound down to July I started to panic.

I went on an interview at the company where I work now. It's a large financial company and while I had no financial experience or interest I liked the idea of working at a big company with lots of room for growth. The salary wasn't great but the benefits were awesome, I could work with people my age, and was sold on the fact that if I put in a year I could move into communications or marketing or something more interesting to me in the company. I don't want to use to term call center because I think that sounds very negative, but the basic gist of the job was being on the phones talking to customers, doing trading and managing their accounts.

We had a ton of training and then took to the phones, it wasn't so bad...but the managers kind of made you feel like you were being babysat...which got old fast. I started to feel annoyed, but wanted to hold out until I got to a year. Luckily, my motivation was noticed and I got some extra responsibilities. It is the kind of job where you are constantly being scrutinized and measured, and no creativity (so not me), which sucked, but I learned to shut up and toe the line. After about 6 months I was asked to interview to move into another related department.

I was skeptical, it was a lot more money and my 1 year period wouldn't restart so I still could potentially leave after another 6 months. The new position also had more responsibilities and was much more laid back, you were treated more like an adult. But, I was worried that I could get stuck there...in the end I got and took the job. Then the economy went to the toilet and the company started a hiring freeze so I was happy I at least was making more money.

Then my manager moved on, and my new boss...well let's just say mixed things up. She is a nice person and I do like her, but she is very eagar to please upper management. My new department has become more and more like my old department...metrics and "Big Brother" always looking over your shoulder. While the company isn't doing layoffs they seem to looking for reasons to fire people...and no one ever used to get fired. It's scary but sometimes I wish I would get fired so I would be forced to find something I actually enjoy. I wish I knew what I wanted to do or could find a new job...I like the company as a whole and it is a great place to work...it's just a few departments that are like this. I'm torn...I mean...I'm sticking it out for now...but sometimes I just don't know.

One good thing is that I do have set hours, live right down the street practically and while it sucks to sit in front of a computer all day at least I had the internet. Finding the blog world and starting this blog got me through the day and sometimes even made going to work enjoyable ;)

Needless to say when I found out on Wendsay that we can't go on anything but financial websites anymore...even during lunch...I was beyond pissed. We can't even check outside emails. You know how I said Big Brother before...ummm yea...I'll say it again.

So the past several day I have been thinking about it a lot, and logically this will probably blow over, no other departments have this "rule" and they have cracked down on internet usage in the past...then it faded. I have been bringing a book so I have something to do in my downtime and I live so close I can go home for lunch and check emails and blogs. I will make it work.

In the grand sceme of things it isn't a big deal, and I am young, someday I will find a job I enjoy...I know I have to pay my dues. But it is annoying and upset me. Now I plan on blogging in the evenings more and have plenty of time to do it. And like I said...maybe this internet rule will just blow over.


Before I finish this post (sorry it's so long) I needed to mention something that in the grand sceme of things is a big deal for this family. Most of you are probably familair with MckMama's blog and the story of sweet baby Stellan (go here to read it from the beginining.) Sadly, Stellan is very sick right now (go here to see what is going on) so please keep the Mckfamily and Stellan in your thoughts and/or prayers.

Trench Update

I know I said I would be scarce for a few days, and I am still gathering my thoughts for a longer post about what has been going on...but I had to share. I went to the mall with K this evening and stopped into Gap... then I saw the trenches I had in my Fashion Friday post! I got the light blue one for only $41! It it so versatile and comes with two different belt options. Now, I am not much of a Gap girl usually but I am so excited about my new trench, especially with tomorrow being the first day of Spring. Isn't it awesome how getting a good deal on something cute can really cheer you up?

Don't Worry

Hi Everyone. Just wanted to do a quick post because I may be kind of scarce over the next couple of days. I found out some information about my job today that...sucked...to be perfectly honest. Now in the grand scheme of things it isn't a big deal, and in this economy I am happy to have a job, but given my history and feelings on my job it is almost like this is the straw breaking the camels back. I am angry and upset about the situation and need some time to gather my thoughts. I plan on posting about the whole thing as well as the back story about what led up to this point soon. Thanks for listening...or reading I guess.

And I Fell Asleep...well almost.

Last night's "Real Housewives of NY" was so boring I could hardly stand it, it did however give me an idea for an awesome scene. They need to show Luann (who basically implied that women need to act stupid and subservient to get a man) and Alex (who admitted to looking for one night stands on the Internet...I'm not judging but that is skanky to me) discussing dating.

Wouldn't that be some drama?

In other "Housewives" news: "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is premiering May 12th...interesting. Very interesting.

I keep obsessively checking Gawker for last night's recap so if it is on there somewhere and I am missing it please let me know!

UPDATED: The Gawker recap is up!

TV Confession Time

I have to get something off my chest...

Very few people know about this and before I go into it I need to make sure you know the back story.

When I was a very little girl my mother realized I had a bit of a TV addiction, she would put something on for me and then she couldn't pull me away. Thus she imposed very strict TV rules...no TV on school days...no putting on the TV without asking...no TV in your bedroom...and no watching "adult" TV shows. These rules continued, although not as severe, right up until I went to college.

When I did get to college and had a TV in my room I went crazy. For some reason I was especially drawn to watching all of those "adult" shows I wasn't allowed to watch during my childhood. I spent many an hour finally watching "The Nanny" and "Roseanne." I know most of these shows are horribly cheesy and if they were on now I would mock them. I have a problem.

This behavior has never really stopped, and this past fall I started watching "Beverly Hills 90210" reruns on Soap Net every night when I got home for work. K had just started law school so he wasn't home in the evenings and most of my regular shows didn't start until 8 or 9. Since then I have watched 90210 while I eat dinner almost every night, and when I can't watch I record them.

Yes, 10+ years after the show was actually on, 90210 has a new fan (I could care less about the new one by the way.) Somewhere in TV heaven Aaron Spelling is smiling down on me.

Why am I bringing this up now? Well, I started off in the second season and have watched in all the way through and tonight is the series finale (I know what happens so don't worry about spoiling it.) Then it will start over again...I plan on watching until I catch up to where I started in the fall (boy, have I missed Brenda) but then who knows? I can not watch it all over again. I need a new (or old) show to fill the oncoming void in my evenings.

I can't imagine my evenings without 90210...now you may judge me. I know I have had it coming.

Happy St. Patricks Day!

This holiday really makes me miss college. Prior to my freshman year I had no idea what a wonderful holiday St. Patrick's Day truly is. I would like to thank green beer, green jello shots, homemade t-shirts and good friends for teaching me the joys of this wonderful day.

Now I just wear a green sweater to work (and snakeskin shoes...you know like the ones that were driven from Ireland) and curse being a grown up...but I will always have the memories ;)

Happy St. Patrick's Day Everyone!

Uncharted Waters

I just did my first ever March Madness (isn't that what it is called?) basketball bracket...this is really uncharted waters for me as I am not a sports fan, have no plans to watch any of the games, and know nothing about the various teams involved. But one of my co-workers made a league thingy on Yahoo sports for our department. I decided to join in because I am the only girl and it would be so fun to beat them all! (insert evil laugh here.)

If anyone has any tips let me know, I have up to the 19th to make changes and need all the help I can get!

A Couple of Movies

Not only is it Monday but it is cloudy and gray here. Very depressing. I am already counting down the minutes until Friday.

Speaking of depressing...K and I went over to my parent's yesterday for a yummy corned beef and cabbage St. Patty's day dinner and we all watched "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas." I thought it was really good but very sad, K didn't really like it. It wasn't as great as I thought it would be but it is worth seeing.

On a happier note, this weekend I saw a good movie on TV that for some reason I had never seen, "Notting Hill." I remember people talking about it all the time when it came out and now I wish I has watched it sooner! I really liked it...and I am not huge romantic comedy person. I love that I can find random movies on TV and record them then fast-forward through the commericals...how did we live without DVR?

Burgers and Old Navy

Ok, so I had to interrupt my lazy weekend for a quick post. First of all, last night K and I grabbed dinner at Five Guys. One just opened up near us and we have been wanting to try it. The burgers are super. There is a very simple menu (basically burgers, fries and hot dogs) and you can get any topping for free. K got the regular bacon cheeseburger (the regular is a double burger) and I got a little cheeseburger (which is plenty) and we shared the regular (huge) fries. If you are ever in the mood for a good burger, cheap and fast I would recommend Fives Guys.

Today I went over to my parents to use their Turbo Tax (yay! my taxes are done, I didn't owe anything and I am getting a pretty big return!) then Mom and I went over to Kohl's and Old Navy.

There are so many cute things at Old Navy right now! I will definitely be making a trip back soon. I got some floral print ballet flats and a striped hoodie-type shirt (I couldn't find pics online) that was on sale for 10 bucks. They also have these adorable summer-weight sweaters. I got this blue, it looks very cute and spring-y especially with the flats. I am so excited for warm weather!

Fashion Friday---Springing into Trenches

The warm weather we have been having lately has been giving me hardcore Spring Fever and with that comes the urge to go shopping. One wardrobe staple is a trench coat, they are so versatile and purchasing one is a great investment. Especially with how stocks are doing right now. In the Spring I love nice bright trenches but it is important to consider your budget, it may be smarter to put more into a classic neutral trench and look for deals on some colorful options that may not be in style for as long.

Here are some options I would buy if money was no object (well excluding the Old Navy which I had to include because it is reasonable and cute.) My favorite is the Moschino...love the bow details and the fact that is looks like a classic khaki trench but with just a little something extra.

If you are like me and can't quite spare $700 right now there is always Target...this is classic, and it comes in a variety of colors. The best part is at $39.99 you can get two, or three!

Gap also has adorable 3/4 length trenches in several colors, and they are on sale. They seem to be pretty versatile and I just love their suggestion to cinch with a ribbon instead of the belt.

One of my favorite places to shop is The Limited, so I love this bold trench, it would totally jazz up my work wardrobe and would look nice with jeans.

For more Fashion Friday tips head over to Big Mama's blog! Happy Friday Everyone!

Attention Housewives Fans! (and people who like to mock them)

Gawker posts absolutely hilarious recaps after each episode of The Real Housewives of NYC, here is the most recent one. Beware if you are reading this in your cubical at work...you may start laughing hysterically causing coworkers to look at you with disdain and/or call HR to have your mental health evaluated.

Things I Am Loving Right Now

Here are some things that I love right now, they are all related to my trying to lose weight and eat better (well except for the lotion...I don't eat it, but it is body related!) What are you loving right now?

Wild Rice- Did you know wild rice isn't even really a rice? It is actually a grass. I really like the flavor (it is kind of nutty) and you can do a lot with it (put it in soups, salads, make stir-fry.) Trader Joe's has a package that is all cooked and just needs to be microwaved for about $4.99 (you can get a couple meals out of it.)

Whoever thought of these is a genius, they taste great and are low calorie. I usually eat 2 wedges on rice cakes with some fruit and yogurt for my lunch. The Garlic and Herb flavor is very good too!

I buy Trader Joe's Goddess dressing but couldn't find a picture. From what I hear it is just as good as Annie's but about $2 cheaper. I have been making very simple salads with it and just some fat free feta cheese...super yummy!

My elbows get very dry in the winter and after using this for just a few days they are so much better. The reason I got it was because I have these red bumps on my arms (it's called keratosis pilaris and apparently it is pretty common especially in people in their teens and 20s...luckily mine isn't too bad...more slightly annoying) and it is supposed to be good for that. I can't tell yet if it has helped at all with the keratosis pilaris but my arms and elbows are much smoother. It is a little thick and makes your skin shinney for a bit so I put it on before I go to bed and wake up nice and smooth!

I love green tea; it has zero calories and lots antioxidants. Plus drinking a mug helps to keep me from snacking on junk food in the evenings.

Real Housewives, Real Rude

Good news! With the help of some green tea I managed to stay awake for the Real Housewives last night. Of course then I couldn't get to sleep, but I guess you can't win them all.

So this season continues to be the Luann Show, we have hardly even seen Alex and Simon and the new girl, Kelly,"Leather-face," only appears to make snippy little comments like she was "the youngest member of the Junior League in New York." Now I have no problem with the Junior League, but it isn't the Olympics...being the youngest member isn't really a big deal. No one cares Leather-face, and bringing it up out of nowhere to brag is rude.

Speaking of rude, the fight at the Hope Lodge, was out...of...control. You know I am no fan of Ramona, in fact I think she is an alien life form inhabiting a human body, but she was trying to give Bethenny some advice in a very friendly way. And Bethenny welcomed it! Then her majesty basically starts to passive aggressively imply that Ramona is a slut! So Ramona makes a comment which probably everyone thought...that Luann's husband is much older then her and she flies off the handle! Luann, he does look old, I thought he was in his 60s too. Even after Ramona apologized and tried to drop it Luann kept picking at it, which is no way to behave in front of your daughter or while doing charity work. If it really upset her that much she should have come to Ramona later.

Luann flew under the radar last season, and I actually thought she was pretty normal, now she is showing her true colors and it is scary. I wonder if anyone will buy her book?

_____________________________________________

On a completely different topic...my best friend E texted me last night to tell me she got a job! She got laid off several months ago and has really been struggling to find something and has been pretty depressed. I'm so happy for her!

Tuesdays

I think Tuesdays are worse then Mondays. I really do, I know it may seem like a strange idea but I far more often have a "case of the Tuesdays" then I have the "Mondays." Mondays do suck, but they seem to go by quicker and I have more energy...maybe from the extra sleep I got over the weekend? I don't know. But I can never wake up on Tuesday morning..."springing forward" also did not help either this particular morning. Nor did my aching muscles after doing my new workout DVD last night. Does anyone else get the "Tuesdays"?

And by the way...did anyone see what Kelly "Leather-face" Bensimon did? I am surprised given how boring she has been on the show so far. The guy that got punched (her "boyfriend") looks like the guy she said "hi" to while with Ramona at the Hampton's Classic during last week's show...could be wrong though. I am going to attempt to stay awake to watch "Real Housewives" tonight...but if the Tuesdays overtake me I will watch on Wednesday so I can blog about it on Thursday at the latest! I promise!

Martinis and Fishes, lots of fishes...

I was considering titling this post "fish and pear martinis" But that conjured up images of some kind of nasty fruit and seafood cocktail...and I didn't want to make anyone sick, especially while running on an hour less of sleep. Stupid Daylight Savings Time, you are not my friend.

Other then Daylight Savings Time it was a very nice weekend, and the weather was awesome which made it even better. Saturday, K and I took B and M down to the Inner Harbor and we went to the aquarium. B and M had never been, so we had a lot of fun checking out all of the fish, turtles and sharks.

After looking at all those fish we were really hungry so we had a late lunch/early dinner and several beers at Mama's On The Half Shell in Canton. This was the first time any of us had eaten there and K and I are already planning on going back for brunch sometime soon. It has a very cool atmosphere and delicious seafood. B and I both had one of the specials which was this amazing blacked swordfish wrap with Gouda and this soy-terriyaki dressing. Needless to say it was not a good weekend for my weight loss plan!

Saturday night we hung out at the apartment trying to perfect a recipe for a Prickly Pear Martini (see below) and enjoying testing the failed attempts. Having B and M around made me really wish K and I had more friends that live close to us...luckily, B and M are moving a bit closer this summer so maybe we will be able to get together more often.

Sunday I went to Trader Joe's and did laundry while watching a bunch of Lifetime movies, which was relaxing...even though I probably lost millions of brain cells watching "a big city reporter raising her Amish sister's 5 children after she dies" and "a girl from the wrong side of the tracks falling in love with a boy from a prominent family in a small west Texas town." I was very glad we had done all the cleaning on Friday and didn't have it hanging over my head.

That was my weekend and now here is the recipe for the Prickly Pear Martini:

Mix 1 part Pear Vodka (we used Grey Goose La Poire) and 1 part Apple Juice (we used good ole' Motts)

Shake over ice and pour into a chilled Martini glass

Add a drop or two of grenadine (it separates to the bottom which looks very pretty)

Enjoy! It's has a light crisp taste, make sure not to over-do the grenadine!

Hot Friday Plans

Finally it's Friday! I don't know why this week really dragged for me considering my "snow day" on Monday. But boy, did it drag. Tonight K and I have some totally hot Friday night plans...cleaning our apartment. I know you are jealous. It really has gotten pretty dirty and we have company (saying that makes me feel grown up for some reason) coming tomorrow. Luckily it is an apartment hence it doesn't take long to clean!

Our company is one of my best friends, B, and her boyfriend, M. We all went to college together and were in the some sorority and fraternity (respectivly of course!) They live down near Fairfax, VA (not too far away) but we don't get to see them as much as I would like. It's nice to be able to hang out with another couple and it should be a lot of fun.

Anyone doing anything cool tonight? Anyone else cleaning?

Happy Weekend!

Fun New Discovery

Maybe people know about polyvore.com already, but I didn't. If you don't know about it you should totally check it out. It's a super fun way to waste time, play with fashion and get ideas.

This was my first attempt...I was thinking about St. Patrick's Day. And I just loved the dress. If you click on it you will go see the orginal and can see the prices and brands of what I included.


Green Chic - by Cee61885 on Polyvore.com

The Luann Show

Last night I got a glass of wine and settled down to watch the housewives. I was ready for some drama. And what I got was the Luann Show. Other then thinking that by the end of the season both Kelly and the governor of New York will have restraining orders against Ramona and once again having my eyes burned by the sight of waaay too much Alex and Simon yet again...I don't have anything interesting to say about the other girls.

So if you don't want to read about the "Discountess" you may want to skip this post!

First of all, the surfing lesson. I actually liked this scene, they were all getting along and it seemed like fun. Until Luann made Bethenny pay! How rude was that! I really hope that was just editing and someone so concerned with manners wouldn't skip out of paying for her surfing lesson. Well maybe she had to get back to Castle de Lesseps, where at long last the children's true parent---the housekeeper, Roseanna---was returning. How dare she leave to go see her real family and stick the countess with the laundry. Not to mention the fact that she didn't even compliment Luann right away, unbelievable...clearly Roseanna will be getting a copy of the etiquette book. Now that her servant was back Luann could go to lunch again and talk about sending her daughter to boarding school. I must say I agree with Ramona's point on this (why would you have kids to send them away?) but in true Ramona fashion, she went way over the top and should have kept her opinions to herself. Speaking of her daughter, Victoria, Luann planned a going away lunch for Victoria and her friends. It seemed like a nice thought until it became more of a manner class and less of a going away lunch. I didn't like how she talked about Victoria chewing with her mouth open in front of her friend or how she seemed to make fun of the girl who asked a question...something about it just seemed so mean spirited.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Get over yourself Luann!

Razzle Dazzle 'Em

It has been a couple of months now and I have really loved blogging, at first I wasn't sure if it would be something I would stick with but I don't see myself stopping anytime soon!

So in honor of that...and the fact that I saw "Chicago" this weekend...I though I would give my blog the old razzle dazzle. And, I also started actually "following" some of my favorite blogs...wow does that make it easier to find new posts! I used to just have to keep refreshing! (Yes, I know I am lame.) Thanks to Aqua Poppy Designs for the free layout!

I am planning on continuing to improve my blog so to all of you more established bloggers out there: help! I would love any blogging tips or pearls of wisdom you may have to offer me.

If you stop by please leave me a comment so I can come check out/start following your blog! I love new reads and new bloggy friends!

Snow Day and NYC

I am at home today for a self-inflicted snow day. I have felt a little under the weather the past couple of days and the six inches of snow we got provided me even more incentive to call out of work. I slept all morning and feel much better now.

The trip to NYC was a lot of fun, unfortunately my friend, H, ended up having to work all day on Saturday so I didn't get to see her. Instead, I hung out at the open house for the school with my parents and my brother. Then we went to Times Square and got half-priced tickets for "Chicago." We have all seen a lot of musicals but none of us had ever actually seen "Chicago," (except for the movie) so it was a great choice and we liked it a lot. It also seems to be easy to get half-priced tickets for that show, so if you are ever looking for a show in NYC, I would recommend it, it's a classic!

Before the show we ate a fabulous dinner at "Carmine's." Normally when I go to NYC I try to avoid eating a touristy places near Times Square, but "Carmine's" is amazing. Everything is family style and it it simple Italian food, done perfectly. We had Caesar salad then Penne alla Vodka and Veal Cutlet Parmigiana. Everything was great but I would definitely recommend the veal if you eat there, it was by far the best veal I have ever had, really tender and flavorful. It wasn't a good meal for my weight loss plan, but it was worth it!