There is this guy I work with, we'll call him Bob. Now I would definitely consider Bob one of my "work friends" which may be why these comments really bothered me. If they came from someone I hated I probably wouldn't give them a second thought. I also have no problem with someone being blunt or honest with me...but the context just seemed strange.
The first incident happened over a year ago. We were at a happy hour and another guy I worked with implied that I should be getting engaged soon. I know a lot of people with boyfriends who are my age have to deal with "when are you getting married" question but I really don't. None of my close friends are engaged or married and I don't feel any pressure from my family to get married. So this was really the first time I got asked about it.
I sort of just laughed it off and said something like "not any time soon." Bob however, decided to grill me. He asked how long K and I had been together, how long we had lived together, how old we were etc... Then he said: "well you are not getting married. If he hasn't proposed yet, he isn't going to." Naturally, I got defensive but I didn't want to get into a fight or anything. He is entitled to his opinion. What bothered me is the fact that he needed to say it to me when he knew it would make me feel bad. What's the point in doing that? He doesn't know K or even me all that well so why lump us into his little "theory?"
And it wasn't just that once. He has said the same thing multiple times to me even though every time I just brush it off and say "agree to disagree." But he doesn't stop, it's like he wants me to doubt my relationship or something.
Bob is one of the few people I work with who knows about my plan to quit and go back to school. Yesterday me, him and another guy were talking about it quietly. Out of nowhere Bob asks me if I have ever even taught anything before because I probably won't like it once I get into the classroom. His source was this chick he is dating who was getting her masters in secondary ed. and quit when she had 3 credits left. Apparently she realized she hated teaching. Then he implied that the same thing would happen to me. Once again I had to defend myself and essentially site my entire "experiences with children" resume to him. Why?
Maybe he is just trying to be a friend and warn me of the potential downsides in life. But, I don't understand how you can generalize someone you don't really know. If I want a "tough love" analysis of my life I'll go to someone who can see the whole picture.
Is it weird that Bob's comments bother me?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
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18 comments:
I LOVE your blog makeover!!!!! I think "Bob" is a dork, ha. These are the people in life that don't have enough b@lls to go out on a limb and do anything risky themselves so they have to constantly test and discourage other people. I would just continue to blow him off the way you have and try to stay away. Seriously, he obviously has an issue with himself if he has to be negative toward your life in these ways. People are so damn weird sometimes!!!!!! Keep yo head up girl, killing people with kindness is the best revenge
Love the new blog! No, I don't think it's weird that his comments bother you. Maybe he is trying to play devil's advocate, but not communicating it in the correct way. Maybe he's jealous of you and K. Lots of people do things and then realize that they don't like them, but that's a lesson learned and it's not the same for everyone. If you and K are happy, then that's all that matters. I really think Bob is jealous. You're a smart girl. ONLY YOU can know what's best for YOU! Bob sucks!
It's not weird at all! Bob sounds like a jerk who likes to bring down those around him. I can't stand generalizations like that, especially when from people who only know you in a work context.
A) Love your new look!
B) Bob is a debbie downer. I would be totally bothered too. Mostly because I get this all the time as well. It's like shut up, we will get there when we get there.
Not at all! I really get annoyed by people who are always down on you - my mom always said it's just because they're jealous of what you're doing with your life (ie. he's not been with someone long enough to even consider marriage, he hates the job to and feels stuck, but isn't man enough to quit and find something he does care about..)
I would so be bothered!
Bob is just generalizing about everyone. Don't let his rude comments bother you!
your new look is fabulous!
Ignore Bob. He might just miss you when you leave and this is his way of trying to get you to stay!
No, it would bug me, too. Not sure why he has to spew his negativity all over you.
He obvs lives a glass is half empty life.
Ugh,I hate bob. I used to get all those stupid freaking questions all the time. I hated them. Please don't let morons like that get to you.
I would just let it go. For whatever reason, he wants to be negative, let him be negative. Don't let it get you down.
Cute new layout girl!! Nah I don't think that's weird at all. He seems like he likes to put his two sense in & might think his way is alawys right. Those questions are a lil personal & if he's just a work friend then yeah I'd be a lil weird about it!
Bob sounds a bit pessimistic! I think you'll love teaching, at least most of the time. :) It would really bug me too, especially since he kept bringing it back up. Luckily you won't have to deal with Bob anymore. :) Any new happenings on the school decision??
I don't think that Bob is being a very good friend. I also don't think it is weird AT ALL that his comments are bothering you. Why is he being so judgmental, instead of being supportive?
I have a couple of important things I hope that you remember...first, when you and your boyfriend are BOTH ready, marriage will happen, it ISNT something to rush. second, follow your dreams. if you feel like teaching is where your heart is...do it. believe me, teaching is tough, it is a lot of work, but it is a job like no other...IF your heart is in it. I wouldnt trade it for anything.
Go give your boyfriend a huge hug, and think about going back to school, life is too short to pass up your dreams.
p.s. if you EVER need any advice with teaching please feel free to contact me anytime!
good luck friend! :)
Umm, can we say Debbie Downer! Wah wah!! He needs to mind his own business and stop throwing in his two cents!
I have def been around people like "Bob" who think they know everything about everything and I just choose to ignore them!
LOVE your new blog layout! Who did it???
Thanks ladies. I feel a lot better now that I vented about it!
I think Bob just needs to mind his own business!
I think Bob is just rude and negative. His comments would bother me too though.
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